Here, I share 10 practical tips for combating mom burnout. If you feel like you’re drowning in motherhood, this post is for you!
Ironically, I am writing this post after a three-month hiatus in blogging. And, it took me three weeks to write this post. With multiple colds and battles with sleep, what started as an Easter break, quickly turned into an entire spring break! I guess you could say I’ve been dealing with mom burnout.
Taking care of children is busy, especially if they are young or many. Right now, I have a young toddler and a baby, and I feel like I’m maxed out at the moment. I can’t wait until I have kids that are old enough to help out and do things for themselves. But in the meantime, I’m just making the most of the time and energy I have in this stage of motherhood. To some degree, stress is to be expected as a mom, but there are things you can do to make it more manageable.
What are the symptoms of mom burnout?
If you’ve been dealing with chronic stress, and you feel like you’re having trouble keeping your head above water, then you are probably burned out. Some example symptoms of a burned out mom are:
- fatigue
- headaches
- feeling sluggish
- short temper
- trouble focusing
- racing thoughts
- trouble sleeping
- dreading the next day
I have even heard of some moms having fantasies about being admitted to the hospital just to get away from the responsibilities of motherhood. Even though I am very grateful to be a mom, there have definitely been times when I’ve told my husband, “I hate being a mom!” Usually after a stressful day filled with whining and crying from both kids. Being a mom isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, but below are 10 tips for combating mom burnout.
10 Tips for Combating Mom Burnout
1. Check in with yourself.
Life can get so busy sometimes that we don’t even realize how we are doing. That’s why it’s always a good idea to check in with yourself on at least a daily basis. By this, I mean asking yourself how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s so easy to forget, but it is so important! Checking in with yourself is the first step to combating mom burnout.
When I am feeling particularly stressed, I like to set aside a time to journal with no distractions. For me, no distractions means the kids are all in bed or in quiet time. It is often difficult to think about other things when you have to make sure your kids aren’t getting into trouble or hurting each other.
But the more often you check in with yourself, the more easily you will be able to identify what your needs actually are. You may find that you just need to develop better sleeping habits (for you or your baby). Or you may just need to set aside time to feel your emotions so that they can pass. Whatever your needs are, you won’t know them unless you check in with yourself.
2. Prioritize your health.
I know you hear this a lot, but you can’t expect to function well if you aren’t taking care of your basic needs. Make sure you are getting enough sleep, healthy food, water, moderate exercise, fresh air, and sunshine. I definitely feel better on the days that I exercise. And going for a walk with small kids in a stroller is relaxing for everyone! Sleep can be difficult to come by if you have a baby, but I have found Moms on Call and On Becoming Baby Wise very helpful. And I try to eat 80 grams of protein and drink 3 quarts of water a day (2 quarts when I’m not breastfeeding). As for fresh air and sunshine, I’m still working on it, but it’s a lot easier now that it’s summer.
3. Take a nap.
Take a nap if you can. If you are a working mom, then you might not be able to do this. But if you aren’t able to get that recommended 7-9 hours of sleep during the night, then try to fit in a nap during the day. And if you have multiple young children, I can’t recommend enough putting them on the same nap schedule. My 2-year-old and 8-month-old both nap from 1pm to 3pm everyday, and it gives me 2 hours to blog, sleep, or just relax! Once my 2-year-old outgrows her nap, I plan on implementing quiet time instead. Honestly, I don’t know how moms make it through the day without a break somewhere.
4. Find a support network.
It is so important to have female friends, especially mom friends, who you can talk to about the ups and downs of parenting. And sometimes it’s just nice to talk about other things besides kids. Even just one good female friend with whom you can commiserate can make a world of difference to your outlook on life! If you don’t currently have any mom friends, you might want to look into joining a mom group at your church or starting one of your own. I have finally joined a mom group, and it is so good just to talk to other moms my age!
And don’t forget about your husband! Female friends are important, but your relationship with your husband is most important because he is raising the children with you. You are in this together! So if you feel burned out with the responsibilities of parenting, share those feelings with him. He probably feels the same way. And if he doesn’t, kindly ask him for more help with the kids or to watch the kids while you get out of the house alone for a change. This podcast episode by LifeCraft has some great things to say about feeling overwhelmed as a mom and asking your husband for help.
5. Prioritize your marriage.
Speaking of friendship and marriage, I am a firm believer that your marriage should come before your kids. Marriage is the foundation of the home. And if there is a crack in the foundation, the home won’t hold up very long or very well. A happy marriage is the first step to a happy home. Children can sense when their parents don’t respect each other, even if they don’t argue in front of them. Conversely, children feel secure when their parents have a strong, loving relationship. Moreover, how can you expect children to respect and love their parents if their parents don’t respect and love each other?
Obviously, this does not mean that you should ignore your kids. There is a balance, and young children have many needs. My point is: prioritize your spouse and your marriage so that the joy and respect found in your marriage will overflow to your children, and ultimately their children and their children’s children.
6. Make sure your kids’ needs are being met.
Besides your own health and the health of your marriage, make sure you are fulfilling your kids’ needs. This is not as simple as it may sound. Everyone knows kids need food, water, and clean clothes. But sometimes we forget that our children also need our attention (without phones). And I think most kids don’t get enough sleep. If your toddler gets up before 6am, they are most likely overtired and need an earlier bedtime. It also helps to have plenty of healthy snacks on hand for hangry kids! The bottom line is: if the kids are happier, mom is happier.
7. Avoid over-stimulation.
The more kids you have, the more noisy your house probably is. But sometimes, the noise in your home isn’t even coming from your children. Sometimes only half of the noise comes from your children running and yelling, and the other half comes from the TV and other noise-makers. (I make a point not to own any toys that make noise.)
Over-stimulation can stress out any mom, but young kids are even more easily over-stimulated than adults. Running too many errands or skipping a nap can easily turn a happy toddler into a cranky one. Even if your child no longer takes a nap, a half-hour or more of quiet time can help them (and you) reset.
8. Simplify your life.
Simplifying your life is probably the quickest solution to mom burnout. And there are hundreds of ways in which you can do so. Here are a few examples:
- Order groceries and ask your husband to pick them up on his way home, or have them delivered to your house.
- Cut out some or all extra-curricular activities. As long as your kids have a way of making and maintaining friendships outside of the home, I don’t think extra-curricular activities are a necessity.
- If you home-school multiple children, combine as many subjects as you can. Think of Little House on the Prairie; all of the children in that school learned together.
- If your children have minimal chores, have them help out more.
- Cook simpler meals, like spaghetti with meat sauce, or even eggs and toast, for dinner.
- Stop sorting the laundry and do a load every day. You don’t need to fold it either.
- Create routines that work for you so that you don’t have to plan out every day. This saves a lot of brain space.
There are so many more examples I could think of, but I should probably write a separate post about them. Anyways, start thinking of ways that you can save time and energy for what really matters to you.
9. Ask for help.
If you have cut back on everything you can, you have asked your husband to help as much as he reasonably can, and you still feel like you are drowning in motherhood, then ask for help from family or friends. Consider exchanging babysitting with a mom friend. And if you or your husband has family that lives close, especially if they are empty nesters, tell them that you are overwhelmed and could really use a helping hand. Most importantly, don’t wait until you are drowning to ask for help; ask before you get to that point.
10. Create more joy in your life.
If you find yourself dreading the drudgery of everyday mom life, maybe the cause of your burnout isn’t too many stressors in your life. Maybe the cause is a lack of joy. Everyone needs something to look forward to, including moms! And looking forward to sleep at the end of the day doesn’t count.
Try making a list of all of the things that used to bring you joy, both big and small, and see how you can fit some of them into your new life with kids. Do you enjoy slow, peaceful mornings with a cup of coffee and a book? Then make a rule that your kids have to stay in their rooms until 7:00am and get up before that. Do you miss hiking with your husband? Either hire a babysitter you trust, or find a way to bring the kids along.
Most importantly, use the time that you have more wisely. When your kids are preoccupied or your husband can watch them for an hour or so, don’t just scroll through Facebook. Do something that will actually relax you and bring some joy to your life. For me, that’s ballet class on Saturdays and getting outside during the day. Whatever it is for you, make time for it, because it’s worth it!
Conclusion
Nothing worth having in life is easy. Maintaining a good prayer life isn’t easy. Staying fit and healthy isn’t easy. Marriage isn’t easy. And parenting isn’t easy either. But despite the great efforts that go into all of those things, they are all worth it! Motherhood, especially, is rewarding because you have the opportunity to watch a child that you grew in your own body become a full-grown adult who can make a difference in the world. Not to mention, that full-grown adult may have children of their own, which only multiplies the love!
However, being a mom is overwhelming at times. And to some degree, we just have to give it to God. But there are always things we can do to help ourselves. If you are a burned out mom, I hope you will take one of the ten tips above and apply them to your own life. And most importantly, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing just fine!
What helps you relax after a long, stressful day of being a mom? Let me know in the comments below!
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