14 Motherhood Lessons I Have Learned Since Having 2 Under 2

In this post, I share 14 motherhood lessons I learned after having 2 kids under 2, as well as answer the question, “Is motherhood worth it?”

This is going to be one of my longer posts, because I have learned so many motherhood lessons since becoming a mom. Motherhood really changes a person. Going from living your life for yourself to living your life for your kids is a huge adjustment. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And becoming a mother has made me stronger in many ways.

I have known my whole life that I wanted to be a mom. However, you never really know what something entails until you dive in. I didn’t know how hard being a mom could be until I had 2 kids in 18 months. I probably won’t choose to have kids that close together again, but it has definitely forced me to grow up. And I have learned many motherhood lessons in the process. If you’d like to know my answer to whether motherhood is worth it, scroll to the bottom.

14 Motherhood Lessons I Have Learned Since Having 2 Under 2

Becoming a mother has challenged me in many ways. Naturally, I didn’t know what went into mothering until I gave birth to my first. Now that I have two kids, both under the age of two, here are 14 motherhood lessons I have learned:

1. Giving birth doesn’t have to be traumatic.

The first of many motherhood lessons I have learned is that giving birth doesn’t have to be traumatic. I remember watching a show called Birth Stories on TLC when I was a kid. And every woman who gave birth on that show screamed during labor. But what frightened me even more than the screaming, was the epidural needle. Because of this, I resolved as a child never to get an epidural.

Fortunately, when I was newly pregnant with my first baby, a friend gave me her copy of Husband-Coached Childbirth by Robert A. Bradley, M.D. I had never heard of the Bradley method of birthing. I had only heard of the Lamaze method from my mom, and she had an epidural with her last three kids, so I wouldn’t personally give the Lamaze method much credit. But the Bradley method is all about natural breathing and focused relaxation. The idea behind it is that painful labor is caused by tension in the body, and when a woman relaxes her body and lets the contractions do all the work, she experiences a lot less pain. Some women who practice Dr. Bradley’s relaxation techniques even experience no pain!

I wish I could go into full detail about my birth stories, but that is beyond this post. If you are interested in the story of my second birth, read My Positive First Home Birth Story. In short, labor for me was very similar both times. Both times were focused and intense, but manageable without an epidural. And I only screamed once, when my first baby’s head popped out. I don’t even remember that part being painful; I just remember it being a surprise!

If you are pregnant, I highly recommend reading up on the Bradley method and taking a Bradley birthing class. The class is what prepared me the most, but I read Susan McCutcheon’s Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way both pregnancies.

2. Parenting is a learned skill.

I guess I was always under the assumption that, once you become a mother, something magical happens, and you just know how to take care of a baby. Of course, I knew the basics, like how to support the baby’s head and how to change a diaper. But I felt clueless about babies’ cries. I was under the assumption that every time my baby cried, she was starving. Very soon, I learned that the tired cues are very similar to the feeding cues. And I learned that baby gas is a common overlooked reason for newborn crying. I also learned that babies experience varying levels of hunger just like adults, and that they aren’t simply full or starving.

I still have so much to learn about being a mom. Often, I feel as though I fall short in many areas regarding motherhood. But I just have to remind myself of what the hospital nurse said the day after my first baby was born: parenting is what makes good parents. In other words, the only way to learn how to be a good mother is to become a mother.

3. I don’t like breastfeeding.

When I was a young kid, I used to pretend-nurse my baby doll, and I was raised by a mom who only quit nursing her children when they wanted to quit. When I got married and became involved in my new church’s community, I saw all of the church moms nursing their babies and toddlers on demand. I never once heard of someone not enjoying breastfeeding.

Postpartum depression may have played a large roll, but I don’t particularly like breastfeeding my babies. I found the newborn cluster feeding stressful with my first, and I am pretty sure that stress kept me from having let-downs, which made my baby cluster feed even more, making me even more stressed.

I eventually lost my milk, and didn’t make it to one year nursing my first. Breastfeeding is going a whole lot better with my second. I have learned better ways to manage my stress, and I am blessed to not have postpartum depression this time around. But I still wouldn’t say that I enjoy breastfeeding. If formula was just as nutritious and no more costly than nursing, I would be giving my 4-month-old formula. But I strongly believe that breastfeeding is the way to go, so I do it for my baby’s sake.

4. With parenthood, comes judgement.

Everyone is judged from time to time, but people seem to pass more judgement on you when you have kids. I’m not going to give any personal examples, because I don’t know who might read this post, and I don’t want any hurt feelings. I believe a lot of people mean well when they make disapproving comments or give unsolicited advice. But those comments can still sting as a new mom trying to figure out her own way of parenting.

There are as many ways of parenting as there are parents! Of course, you should always take care of your children’s needs and love them to the best of your ability. But that can look many different ways. You don’t have to nurse your kid until they’re three or co-sleep to be a good mom. And when you embrace your style of parenting, and take everyone else’s criticism with a grain of salt, it builds self-confidence.

5. It can take time to fall in love with your baby.

Another important motherhood lesson I have learned is that falling in love with your baby doesn’t always happen instantly. Just like learning to parent can take time, feeling love for your baby can also take time. I remember my mom telling me that after she gave birth to her first baby, she thought: this must be what unconditional love is. And I’m sure you’ve heard countless stories of moms immediately falling in love with their precious babies as soon as they are placed in their arms.

However, that feeling doesn’t always click right away. Especially if you have postpartum depression, which I did. I had trouble connecting emotionally with my daughter for a while. I loved her because that was my job (and love is a choice anyways), but the feelings associated with love came gradually. Because I didn’t experience postpartum depression with my second, the feelings of love came a lot quicker. But they still didn’t magically come the minute I saw her for the first time. And now I wonder if it is really that way for anyone.

6. Babies cry.

I wish it weren’t true, but sometimes babies cry no matter what you do. Before I had a baby, I had this crazy idea that if I took care of all of her needs, she would never cry. I was wrong!

Like I said above, I soon learned how prevalent gas pains are in newborns. Sometimes you can keep them from crying by holding them in your arms. But sometimes you can’t. Sometimes they are just going to cry, and there’s nothing you can do about. The worst is the witching hour in the evenings, when they cry for an hour or two for no reason but to get energy out before bed.

And when you have a toddler and a baby, there is even more crying. Sometimes both will be crying at the same time – the baby because she’s tired and the toddler because she can’t get her shoe off. I have two girls, 4 months and 21 months, so I should know. But as much as you’d like to help them both at the same time, you have to pick one, while the other waits for their turn.

So please don’t feel like you’re a bad mom if your baby cries a lot. It might be something completely out of your control. And as long as you are doing your best, everything will be okay!

7. I don’t like the newborn stage.

Speaking of crying, one thing I have learned since having two children is that I don’t like the newborn stage. I much prefer taking care of a whiny toddler than a crying newborn. Luckily, my husband prefers taking care of the baby, so it works out when we are both home.

Many people will tell you, “Enjoy this stage while it lasts,” referring to the newborn stage. But I see it as a means to an end. When they finally learn to smile, then I start really enjoying them. My favorite age so far is the age when they are old enough to smile but not old enough to go anywhere. When they’re that age, you can just sit and stare at them while they smile back at you with that heart-warming smile.

8. Babies can sleep at night.

The most influential book I have read about parenting, besides the Bradley method book I mentioned earlier, is Moms on Call. It is a book written by two moms with nursing degrees about the basics of taking care of babies, as well as the basics of getting babies to sleep well.

Even before I got married and pregnant, I did a lot of research on baby sleep, because sleep is very high on my list of priorities. Lack of sleep affects me more than it does most people. I function best on 9 hours of sleep. However, I haven’t gotten that for a while, between pregnancy insomnia and taking care of a newborn.

Although I don’t follow Moms on Call 100%, I have found it very helpful in getting my babies to take good, consistent naps and to sleep through the night. I do need to note that my toddler was a “unicorn” baby as they say. She slept through the night with little assistance by the time she was two and a half months old. My second baby, on the other hand, was born a terrible sleeper. She didn’t even sleep during those first two weeks, when most babies will just sleep except to eat. But slowly, surely, my 4-month-old has learned to go to sleep without rocking of any sort. She takes consistent, 90-minute naps. And we are currently working on getting her to sleep through the night, but she only gets up one to two times per night at this point.

9. I am capable of more than I realize.

Unfortunately, I am a 9-hour sleeper. I can do 8 hours, but when I consistently get 7 hours or less, my mental health suffers. This usually results in either depression or anxiety.

My husband, who used to work night-shift, has always told me that you get used to less sleep if you have to. I didn’t believe him. Other moms have said the same thing. I didn’t believe them either. But now that I have two very young children, I can function surprisingly well on 7 hours of sleep, thanks be to God!

You might laugh at me, “You think 7 hours is bad?!” But for me personally, I used to really struggle on 7 hours. I definitely still struggle, and I try to go to bed early so that I get at least 7 hours with all of the baby night feedings. But I am not overcome with depression and anxiety and am fairly content with life. Hopefully my youngest will be sleeping through the night soon so that I can get 8-9 hours again!

10. It is okay to simplify.

This is an important motherhood lesson. I am somewhat of a perfectionist, and it has taken me a long time to learn this lesson. I still have a long way to go. But since motherhood stretches you thin at many times, it is important to let go of perfection and simplify. Simplifying dinner, foregoing baking (unless you love to bake), and letting go of a pristine house can save so much energy!

On particularly difficult days, it’s always good to have a super-easy dinner that you can just throw together. Examples include egg sandwiches, spaghetti, and canned soup with crackers. Every once in a while, when I’m extra tired from a sleepless night, I skip the shower and watch TV most of the day, and it rejuvenates me for the next day. I realize not all mothers have that luxury, because some mothers have to go to work. But if you feel overwhelmed by motherhood, just look at your daily schedule and simplify the tasks that cost you the most energy.

11. You can have a clean house with a toddler.

It is possible to have a clean house with a toddler, but only if it is a priority of yours. As a perfectionist, I can’t stand a messy house. I wouldn’t say my house is pristine; I care more about things being in their proper places than I do about sparkling clean windows. But I can’t think clearly when the house is cluttered.

However, I understand the difficulties of keeping a house clutter-free with a toddler on the loose. And I was never a fan of playpens (except for time-out), so my toddler roams free on the main floor most of the day. She is constantly taking our shoes and her books from room to room. I think the key to keeping the mess under control is keeping belongings to a minimum. Ninety-five percent of the toys she owns are gifts. And if the toys ever get out of hand, we will give some to Goodwill. My sanity is worth more than a few toys, or an extra pair of shoes. And as Christians, we shouldn’t be attached to possessions anyway.

12. It is vital to have a safe space for your toddler.

I don’t like playpens. My toddler just cried every time I put her in it, so I gave up on it when she was a walking baby. But my house is mostly baby-proof, at least before my almost 2-year-old learned how to open the child safety locks on all the drawers. All in all, she is a pretty good kid and doesn’t get into too much trouble yet.

With that said, I do believe in having a safe space for your toddler. This lesson is more simple than the other motherhood lessons I have learned, but having a safe space for your toddler is vital for the times when you have to step away. It is important to have somewhere safe you can stick your toddler when you need to go to the bathroom or just need a breather. It can be a play-pen, or a child-proofed room with a baby gate. For me, it is the sun room, where all the toys are. We have a baby gate at the entrance, and there is nothing in the room my toddler can hurt herself with. When I am at my wit’s end with whining and crying, I can put her in the sun room, walk away, and collect my thoughts for a few minutes.

13. Time becomes more valuable when you have kids.

When I got married and moved to Pennsylvania, I didn’t have a job. I new that would change in nine months with the birth of my first baby, but for nine months I was able to pretty much do whatever I wanted during the day. When I had my first kid, time suddenly became more valuable. If I still wanted to get things done, I had to watch the clock.

I became a schedule person out of necessity. I know a lot of moms who make it work without a schedule, but I don’t know how I would get things done if I didn’t schedule my babies and myself. Now that I have a baby and a young toddler, I feel an even greater need for a schedule. And I assume the more kids I have, the more valuable my time will be. And I would like a lot of kids, so schedules and routines are the way to go!

14. Motherhood is going to make me a saint!

Since becoming a mom, I have learned a lot! But the most important lesson I have learned is the meaning of “vocation.” I new that a vocation was a calling from God to live your life a certain way. I new that marriage and motherhood were vocations. But what I didn’t know was that your vocation is your path to Heaven.

I didn’t realize how selfish I was until I became a wife and a mom. Motherhood also tests my patience on a daily basis. I don’t think I have grown more as a person than I have after I got married and had kids, because motherhood, as well as marriage, is hard! So, I truly believe that motherhood is my path to sainthood.

Is motherhood worth it?

Motherhood is hard! I often question whether being a mom is worth it. Right now, I am in the trenches with 2 kids under 2, and they were born 16 months apart! But that question never lasts long, because I know that motherhood is my calling. I have dreamed nearly my whole life of being a mother, even writing down a plan of how I would raise my children as a preteen. Sure, mothering doesn’t come easy, but the best things in life never do. I love my kids, I love seeing them learn new things, and I love their hugs and kisses! And if that isn’t a testimony to how much I love being a mom, I hope to have many more kids in the future!

Conclusion

Since becoming a mom, I have learned so many motherhood lessons, and I am grateful for every bit of knowledge I have gained. I am also grateful for the growth I have made as a person. One lesson I have learned is that being a mom is hard! I have more respect for my mom after learning how difficult it is to cook, clean, and take care of kids all day.

But even though being a mom has its challenges, I am grateful to be a mom. I am grateful for the two beautiful children God has given me. Sometimes, when I am low on patience, I don’t cherish them the way I should. But I will continue to learn and grow as a mom. I am sure I will learn many more than these 14 motherhood lessons in the years to come!

If you are a mom, what is one or more motherhood lessons you have learned that you’d like to share? Let me know in the comments below!

Fun Facts About Motherhood

Just for fun, here are 3 fun facts about motherhood:

1. July is the most popular birth month, but October 5 is the most popular birth day.
2. The first Mother’s Day was in 1908. But it didn’t become a national holiday until 1914.
3. The average number of diaper changes before baby’s 2nd birthday is 7,300!

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